Old Frustrations

I was looking through my old Myspace blog, and I found this post. I had had afrustrating day, and I wanted to pour my soul out. And, thi is what happened. You'll have to excuse the language. I wrote this three years ago, and I've grown and matured a lot since then.

So it's been brought to my attention that lately I haven't really been me. I've snapped on a few people. Ignored a lot of folks. Said a few things, that I do, to this day, regret. Flat out, turned into another person. A lot has been on my mind, and at times it' hard for me to let out my emotions. Since I have never been one to really talk things out, I've decided to do what I feel I can do best; write. Hopefully, by doing this I can clear a few things up. So, here is where I begin.....
I've really become a disappointment to myself since I've been in College. From elementary, on up to high school, I was a very focused, hard-working, studious person. I would skip a lot of parties, and many social events, because I was always so focused on school. What can I say? I didn't want to let my family down. Because I put so much of my attention, and priorities into other people, I sometimes forget about myself. In the end, I feel mentally, and emotionally exhausted.

Wku has made a monster out of me. I'm telling you, I try to stay focused, but I guess my previous social deprivement has taken its toll on me. Going to class is like poison to me. It's not good for my system. I feel as if I need to catch up for all of those "boring" years of my life. I need to do things I've never done. Try things things that most people around my age has already accomplished.

My mind has been shot lately. ya'll already know I smoke, but damn ! Lately I've been going through Black after Black, and weed is air for me. I've been blowing like a ventilation system. Frustration has been wearing on me a lot lately, and that seems to be the only way I can let it out. When you keep holding shit in, it starts to wear down on you.

I've never been one to sit around and cry, or talk out my feelings. Ya'll know I swallow, smile and keep it moving. I don't do that Expressive Journal bullshit. If ya'll really knew what I was thinking, you would committ me to a Psych Ward, and Fast ! Whenever I get worked up over something, I can't think straight, and I seem to fuck up the situation. I tend to say things that I don't mean, or my thoughts come out wrong. My mouth will run too fast, and I'll blurt a few things I wished I would've swallowed.

You see, by writing this, I was just hoping that I could, in my own way, apologize to whomever I've offended lately. I'm trying to right a few wrongs, and settle things. Like I said, not everyone will read this, but I just needed to get this off of my chest.

I'm exhaling, and praying that ya'll won't stop fucking with me just yet. For real, I am sorry. Even if I can't say it to your face, I mean it. I hope the people I wanted to read this, took the time out, and actually read it. For it was directed, for the most part, to them. Think what you will. Say whatever you want to say. Just recognize my personal bullshit, and make your decisions later.

I know this was long...but I don't give a Fuck. I don't bite my tongue for anybody, I tried that shit before, and it hurt, LIKE HELL !